My biggest part of my life

Just wanna keep it simple. You're my biggest part of my life. Five of you. Park Joon Hyung oppa, Yoon Kye Sang oppa, Danny Ahn oppa, Son Hoyoung oppa and Kim Tae Woo oppa. Thanks for everything. I'll always be there for you. 

No one can know

Someone told me earlier that if you need someone to talk about him, just come to her and tell her. We've same situation and also same feeling when it comes to that particular topic. But I told her, don't worry about that. I can handle it by my own. I barely talked about that to anyone. Even it kills me inside, I rather wrote in my diary. Yes, sometimes it really made me crazy, it's too painful for me to handle by myself but it will always be like this. Maybe I took after him. Maybe my ending will be like him. Became damaged. Impossible to fix it. 

Rindu

Malam ni tetibe rindu.. Bila rindu mesti tgok ig dia. Setiap hari ada ja yg akan comment rindu. People still talk about you even you're already gone. They still missed you. So do I. I miss you so much. In every prayer, you're always in my doa. He need you right now.. He still can't move on.. Without you, we.....

Watch what you say before it's too late

Not many people care about how you feel. And how can a word be an offended. They only care about how they feel or think was right. Sometimes with only one word the pain that can cause you is your life time. I must say that, people nowadays doesn't have a manner. Doesn't know how to speak politely. With this manner, I don't think we can take one step further to become a great country. 

Truth from the heart

What I feel right now? NOTHING. I've a lot in my mind but I just can't get it out because why? Because I never ever do that again. I never confess to anyone. So after year comes by, it just became natural. It's quite okay I think. But sometimes I just need someone to talk. Kinda alone actually. As long as I'm not dying, it's fine. I will be fine. 

Friends

My definition of friend is simple. As long as you're happy with them and comfortable then it's enough. But bestfriend? Maybe someone who you can share all of your problems with them. Someone who you can rely on. I still find its hard to do that. To trust people. Sharing my whole stories. I can't do that. I just can't. Because for me, they can't do anything about it. I mean yes they will help you but at some point they don't. 

Aku rindu hang.. Hang tau dak? Aku rindu sangat kat hang.. Sungguh istimewa hang ni dalam hati aku.. Tau dak sebab apa? Sebab tiap kali tengok hang, airmata aku automatic jatuh.. Rasanya dah berbaldi2 kalo kumpui.. Alu sedih tau dak. Aku rasa menyesai. Menyesai sebab xdan jumpa hang.. Xdan nak bagi hadiah kat hang.. Xdan tengok hang kawin. Aku minta maaf nah.. Aku minta maaf sebab tak kuat. Aku tak kuat untuk teqima semua ni. Aku belom bersedia lagi utk kehilangan hang. Sapa lagi yang nak dgaq masalah aku? Sapa lagi yg nak buat aku gelak macam org gila? Hang kata dorang semua x hargai hang. Hang salah.!! Depa semua sayang hang. Depa semua rindu hang. Aku rindu hang wahai sahabat. Aku penat sahabat. Aku terlalu penat. Aku tak mampu utk lalui semua ni. Awat semua org yang aku sayang pergi tinggai kan aku? Jahat sangat ka aku ni wahai sahabat? Demi Allah sahabt, aku penat. Aku mengalah. 

You

People expect that you're always happy, laugh and smile. But the fact is you're not. You just act like you're okay but you're not. You just pretending that you're strong enough to handle that because of him, and them. You can't even tell them that you're not okay because it will hurt them. It will make them sad. So you just keep smiling. Keep laughing. Even though its hard for you, you just hold it. Hold till someone coming and ask you what's going on. But that will never happen. You're so damaged. No one can know your secret. No one can fix it for you. You are alone. You are already dead a long time ago. 

Sahabat selamanya

Sahabat, aku rindu kau.

Sahabat, berikan aku kekuatan. 

Sahabat, kenapa begitu susah utk aku lupakan semua ini. 

Sahabat, maafkan aku. 

Maafkan aku kerna buatmu menderita disana.

Bukan niat ku. Sumpah aku tak berniat. 

Aku cuma rindu kau. 

Tuhan mengertilah kepiluan ini. 

Bantulah hambamu ini untuk terus kuat.